For a while after Alastor had just found out about Lucifer and Husk’s relationship, he had been an absolute menace.

He’d taken every opportunity to get in the way, having far too much fun with it. At some point, it had become too much, and Lucifer might have ended up threatening his life a little. After that, he’d left them alone for the most part, going back to his regular levels of being a nuisance. At least he seemed to have concluded that he might not want to poke the bear too much, lest it actually cost him his life next time.

Lucifer could be a teddy bear when he wanted to, but he had his limits.

 

Now, usually, Lucifer would much rather not think about Alastor while he was making out with Husk in one of Niffty’s supply closets, but when said man opens the door (he was pretty sure they locked) and you almost fall on your ass out of it, it’s a little hard not to.

He glared daggers at Alastor, who seemed completely unbothered by his expression. Had it not been for Husk’s wings, they would have been on the ground right about now. Thankfully, Husk’s wings had moved on instinct to balance them out.

“Do you mind?” Lucifer asked, not holding back his annoyance at being disturbed. His arms were still around Husk’s shoulders, his legs not yet moving from where they were wrapped around his hips. Husk’s hands remained on Lucifer’s waist.

“I can’t say I wanted to find the two of you in here like a couple of horny teens, but I suppose I shouldn’t expect anything greater from you, Your Majesty. Husker on the other hand, I am very disappointed in.”

Husk tried to stifle a groan, ultimately failing. “Do you have to do this now, Alastor?”

 

Lucifer couldn’t help but agree with Husk’s question. There really was no need to do this right now. Surely Alastor had better things to do.

His eye twitched as he looked at Alastor. He couldn’t tell if he truly didn’t know that they’d been in there or if he was trying to skirt the line of acceptable interference, but he was starting to reconsider his decision not to kill him.

“Bambi,” The tick in Alastor’s smile was satisfying. He unwrapped himself from Husk, but due to the size of the closet, he was still close enough to feel the heat coming off of his body. It made him feel a little less violently inclined toward Alastor as he felt Husk’s hands squeeze his hips. “Did you actually need anything in here or was this just a way for you to bother us?”

“Now now, sir, I would never,” Alastor lied, a hand on his chest as if aghast by the accusation. Neither he nor Husk bought it for a second. “I was merely helping Niffty replenish some of her supplies.” He shooed them to the side, a black tendril reaching into the closet. It deposited a bottle of bleach into his waiting hand. “Are the two of you going to clean up in here after yourselves or should I ask poor Niffty to take care of that once you’re done? I would oh so hate for anyone else to find themselves walking into your mess.”

“We weren’t even- there’s no mess! We were just making out!” Gesticulating toward the clean floor, Lucifer looked at Husk as if wanting to say ‘Can you believe the nerve of this guy’.

Husk shook his head with a sigh at Alastor’s clear provocations, clearly way more used to his behaviour than Lucifer was. Lucifer turned his eyes back toward Alastor. “Don’t try to tell me you’ve never made out with someone in places like these before.”

“Absolutely not. I’ll leave all that… kissing to little floozies like you.”

Lucifer snorted. “You make it sound like you don’t kiss at all.”

“I don’t! Now, next time you plan on fornicating in supply closets, do make sure to lock the door. Properly.”

The door shut with just a bit more force than was necessary, making Lucifer and Husk stare. He was gone as quickly as he had appeared, the whole affair lasting barely half a minute.

Maybe he hadn’t meant to walk in on them after all.

“What crawled up his ass and died?” Lucifer asked with a groan. He felt Husk pull him closer, and he turned around in his arms, looking up at him, fingers brushing through his fur.

“Don’t mind him." Husk chuckled, pressing his lips to Lucifer’s. “Forget about that right now. We were in the middle of something, weren’t we?”

Lucifer smiled into the kiss. He wrapped his arms over Husk’s shoulders, chest flush against his. “That, we were.”

 

When Lucifer locked the door this time, he made sure that it could only be opened from the inside. Thank fuck for his magic.

 

 

The next time Lucifer spotted Alastor was on the balcony overlooking the expanse of the cityscape behind the hotel. He was nursing a glass of some human alcohol that he must’ve gotten from Husk not too long ago. The sky was dark, bathing Pentagram City in nighttime red. Lucifer on the other hand had yet to reach the bar, on his way downstairs when he spotted Alastor.

He hesitated for a moment, but in the end he couldn’t stop his curiosity from getting the better of him (it was part of what had started his downfall, after all) and stepped out to join him on the balcony. The outdoors smelled terrible as per usual. He could see something burning in the distance.

 

“Sooo,” he started, crossing his arms as he leaned against the railing. “No kissing, huh? At all?”

He could tell that he was grating on Alastor’s nerves with the question, but he wasn’t looking to get a rise out of him this time, his question genuine. “Correct.”

“And sex?”

“I find it repulsive.”

Lucifer hummed, turning around to lean his back against the golden metal of the railing. He could feel Alastor’s eyes on him, and just as he was about to ask another question he was interrupted.

“What are you doing?” The look he was given was suspicious, trying to figure out what the hell his game was (which was funny, considering Alastor was so fond of playing games with others).

“Trying to make conversation with you.”

“You’re doing a terrible job of it.”

“I’m aware.”

He turned his head to look over at Alastor. “I can’t claim to know what that’s like personally, but I’ve always had a bit of a wild imagination, so I can at least imagine. Besides, Mam’s similar.”

“I wasn’t aware you even had a mother.”

Alastor looked terribly amused with himself when Lucifer glared up at him

“Hardy har har. I’m talking about Mammon. He doesn’t like sex either, most of the time, anyway. He mostly just likes making jokes at Levi once in a while. He has a bit of an… issue with unwanted touches though, nothing sexual, but I don’t generally see you touching people that aren’t Niffty or Husk.” Aside from when he was trying to get on Lucifer’s nerves and got awfully chummy with Charlie, or the brief interaction he’d seen between him and that Mim-something-woman, he had taken note of Alastor’s touch-aversion. “I don’t think you’d get along.” Though Alastor certainly didn’t care for others' personal space either, so what did he know, really?

Lucifer on the other hand was very touchy-feely, having been touch-starved for so long, which is how he ended up hugging Vaggie the first time they met, but he had been worried about overstepping as soon as he let her go. He still had yet to talk to her about their shared place of origin. It felt a bit intimidating of a subject to breach, to be honest.

But Mammon… it was like he didn’t really think about what he was doing at all, aside from how he could best manipulate someone. He’d tried to do the same with Lucifer, when he talked to him about business deals and proposals, how he could make them filthy rich (like Lucifer didn’t already have more money than he could spend even during his eternal life), how he would grab him and get in close when he talked. Honestly, he really wouldn’t mind it at all if it didn’t so often come with ulterior motives.

He shuddered.

There was a reason why Mammon was the one out of all the Sins he spent the least time with. Not that Mammon had much interest in meeting with him either, unless it was about business. Well, so he himself said, but he knew that at least a little bit of him genuinely cared about him and the other Sins. He was actually a pretty decent cuddler too, when he dropped the money-talk.

 

“Got lost in that dim head of yours, hm, sir?”

Lucifer shook his head. “Oh fuck you. What I’m trying to say is that I get it, sort of, even if, uh, my example isn’t the best. Also, I promise you won’t find us fucking on top of the bar or something.”

“Fucking where-now?”  Though he was still smiling, Alastor managed to look absolutely scandalised, the screeching static loud in his ears.

“Not unless you’re away on a long weekend,” Lucifer said, grinning at the way Alastor’s eye twitched. “I’m kidding, relax.” He wouldn’t do that unless he knew for certain they wouldn’t be interrupted. He couldn't deny that the allure of getting manhandled by Husk at the bar was very, very strong. He knew he was going to give in to that particular want eventually.

 “I can’t promise no innuendo, I do enjoy a sex joke once in a while just as much as Angel does, but there won’t be any public ‘messes’, as you so succinctly put it.” He was silent for a moment, before adding, “By messes I mean sex by the way, I’m still gonna make out with him. Just not in front of you on purpose.” Not that he would do that in front of most people, but sometimes you got caught up in the moment and someone walked in on you.

 

He stretched, feeling his back crack with a satisfying pop. He headed for the door, turning back around again just outside the doors, cane in hand. ”Oh, and Alastor,” he said. “If you unlock any doors or slither your tentacles where they don’t belong, that’s on you.”

If he heard Alastor throw a quiet ‘imbecile’ at his back, he let him get away with it just this once.

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